Life couldn’t be any better… That’s what was occupying my mind the night of Thursday last. Like smoke, slowly expanding across the horizon, thoughts of Relaxation, Comfort, Sleep, etc. were filling my mental atmosphere. I was driving home, from a strenuous day, happily devouring all those thoughts of just utter, absolute, peace of mind. Working in the private sector, I only have Friday to bask in relaxation for Saturday brings a whole new bag of work related problems and mind boggling issues.
“BING! BING!”
Oh… A message on my mobile, who could it be I wondered? Could it be my sweet loving lady, wondering whether I’m on my way home, and if I was, she wishes me a safe drive home? Or could it be my wife? (I’m kidding… I’m kidding… I, in no way, shape, or form, support adultery, and I condemn anyone who cheats on his spouse). Anyway, I digress…
So, I opened up the message and the first thing I noticed was the number of the sender (if it was someone already saved on my Contacts list, a name would show instead, obviously) then the message…
"أخي العزيز. حبيت أبلغك ان ولد عم الوالد قد رحل إلى رب العالمين...
والدفن غدا بعد صلاة الظهر... اخوك الفلان الفلاني"
Translation
“Dear brother (friend), my father’s cousin has passed away.
The burial is going to be held tomorrow afternoon”
At that moment, a gush of thoughts filled up my mind, and a rush of emotions, my heart (or soul, or wherever the hell you keep your emotions), here are some:
Ok… if it is not quite obvious already, let me spell it out for you. I didn’t want to go… I… did… not… want… to… go!
But what can I do? The guy practically advertised the burial/funeral. I can’t use the classic excuse “I’m so sorry, I only knew a few days ago and it was too late to come”. I can’t say I was out of the country, Kuwait is too small a place for a lie like that to fly. Damn it! Can I say I was bed stricken sick? Would I need a doctor’s note for that? Well how would that actually go? I’d fax a condolence letter and give the excuse of being sick, and then attach the doctor’s note for proof? Noooooo… That won’t work either. DAMN IT!
Besides, why on earth would anyone advertise a thing like that, that way? I mean, first of all, if someone is so devastated for a loss of a close one, they shouldn’t have the time to write bulk SMS messages in the first place.
Aren’t situations like these supposed to show you who’re your friends and who aren’t? Well if half of the people in the country are going to come because your stupid message left them no choice, how can you really know for sure that they care?
And what does that tell you about those people’s self-esteem? (the ones that send these kind of SMS) Is it that low that they seek a boost by knowing a lot of people came to pay their respect?
Well… Stick to the traditional way of announcing someone’s funeral (the back of the daily newspapers) and then you’d really know the head count of the people who come, the people who care.
Ok… maybe by increasing the number of people who attend the funeral, this would increase the “Good Karma” for the deceased. But what about ruining the people’s weekends? Isn’t that “Bad Karma”?
Anyway… that’s it… I talked a lot… and the room I’m in is starting to get real humid from all the steam I blew off.
O’ by the way… a few days ago Jerry Seinfeld went on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and on his stand up act, he basically said the same thing I’m saying here, but on the subject of weddings and how they ruin the guests’ weekends for the sake of the pride and groom, and how he prefers not to get invitations.
Now, because he’s Jerry Seinfeld and he was mocking weddings, a generally joyous event, that would be called comedy, and because I mocked funerals, I’m a bad horrible person? I think not! I’m only exposing my dark side for the sake of comedy… This is all for the ratings…
All for the ratings…
PS 1. I did go to the funeral.
PS 2. Don’t die on the weekend.
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