Saturday, February 17, 2007

pray with me

I need your help. I've been forgotten, more and more visitors mistake me for Kila Ma6goog. I'm running out of things to say, to post, to ridicule…

I'm a….

Please… pray, chant, do the hula hoop… do whatever that thing you do.

Like I said, I need your help.

Let us all, children of earth, let us all hold hands in this universal prayer and…. Ummmm.. pray?

***

O'God…

It is I, mowgli, one of your beloved children…
I need your help…
I'm running out of stupid people to make fun of…


O'God…

Grant me the strength to withstand their stupidity…
Grant me the keenness of vision to spot one out…
Grant me the luck to have a camera with me then… battery fully charged…


O'God…

I know there are plenty of them roaming around…
Kila Ma6goog manages to find them…
Please God, take away KM's sense of humor… and a few fingers…
(ok not the fingers…)


O'God…

And I know this might be pushing it… but…
Grant me the ability to read their thoughts please?
I swear I won't tell anyone about this… it will be our secret…


***




Is it working already?


بلدية الكويت : ممنوع عرض السيارات للبيع

أحسد الكويت على شعبها و مواطنينها و على إحترامهم لقوانين الدولة

عاد المشكلة محد يشتري

عفية على شرطة الكويت... ياله الشرطي

شنو صار؟ ما صار شي

! الإشاره حمرة! ليش تسكرون التقاطع؟

المشكلة... إذا إحترمت نفسك و وقفت مكانك و سويت مجال للتقاطع, إلي وراك يطقلك هرنات و يعصب او يلف حواليك و يسكر التقاطع بدالك

هاهاهاها والله مسخرة

ماتشوفون الشارع مسكر؟ ليش تسكرون التقاطع؟

زين جذي؟

ما عليه شي التكسي... بس عجبني الديكور... طلع الريال

Interior Designer.

خدماته لسكان المحافظات الي من الدائري التاسع و رايح

مو توه الناس على إعلانات الإنتخابات؟ وين برشح الأخ؟ و ليش ازرق مو برتغالي؟

in-charge

Ladies and gentlemen… they walk among us… yes… there are here and they’re increasing in numbers…

They are…

The stupid!

It never ceases to amaze me how the human race can conquer the skies, and yet…

I was in Gitex alright… and I saw this machine. Now I’ve seen it before (it was being pitched as a marketing gimmick and I thought it was a stupid idea) but I never thought it would see the light of day. What am I talking about? Here…



This is it… and for those of you who haven’t seen this before, it’s a machine, right… and it has cables of all the major mobile phone brands… if you ever needed a charger in a mall or in Gitex for example, you can hook up your phone to that machine and charge your phone for free.

COME ON!!!

I mean, it is 2007! God damn it. Who in his right mind would be caught off guard when it comes to their cell phone battery? I mean… LOOK!!!! THERE IS A BAR ON THE PHONE DISPLAY SCREEN! It shows you (approximately) how much battery is left on your cell phone. And IN CASE YOU’RE BLIND! IT BEEPS AS WELL… when the battery level is very low.

So… how unorganized can you be to notice ALL OF A SUDDEN, that… ops... my phone is dead.

I find it so so soooo hard to believe that in this day and age this problem exists. It is not ROCKET SCIENCE! You look at your phone, you see the battery level, you plug in the charger at one end, and then you plug in the charger to an electricity outlet on your wall! VOILA! And I mean… it’s not like the concept is new to those people, they HAVE charged their phones before. It’s not like they buy a phone already charged and when the battery dies they just throw it away and buy a new one! They HAVE been through a CHARGING PROCEDURE… so… (a moment of silence) so... what went wrong?

I would like to ask them that question… what happened? What went wrong? Why? In the name of all that has an IQ of 13 and above… why did you allow such a silly… silly… thing happen to you?

And of course… I’m sure the only answer I’ll get is… a blank face… or as I like to call it… “the no battery face”.

And people… people… people… come on!!!!!!!
How can you do it? Stand in front of a machine… with your phone plugged in and just waiting for it to charge for how long? 10? 15 minutes… doing nothing… idling… IN THE MIDDLE OF A MALL!!! I mean, you’re just standing there… as good as the machine next to you… CORRECTION! The machine is better… at least it is charging YOUR phone!

Ok… it’s was a mistake… and it happened… Now your phone is out of battery… SO F-ing WHAT?!!! I mean, what kind of person can’t… JUST CAN’T… live without a cell phone for half an hour or 1 hour? Who? Stock broker? Maybe… but if you’re a stock broker stupid enough to forget to charge your battery… you shouldn’t handle other people’s money! Other than that… what’s so important that you just can’t stay “disconnected” from the telecommunications web? Are you a machine and your phone is your life support link? What? The only explanation I can come up with… and I’m trying to be as objective as possible…

Is that you’re F-ing STUPID!

Do me a favor…

Do YOURSELF a favor…

Charge your phones. Be organized! Think ahead!

And I would also like to say…
UMMM… WHAT THE…..

Sorry… I have to end this post here… my laptop is running out of battery.
But I swear! It wasn't my fault I… I…………………………………………

I put a smell on you…



Ok… there's no easy way of putting this… the "Body"… The "B" (human body in this case), as beautiful and complex a machine as it is, is a Disgusting-Smell-Hazard (DSH).

I will try to lay down a few abstract thoughts regarding or revolving around this sense of ours we know as Smelling.

Question… someone around you has Bad Breath (BD)… what do you do? Oh and just your luck, they'd be one of those people who don’t understand personal space and boundary issues, so their face would be RIGHT IN THERE! Well???

Do you tell them or not? Ideally… you'd offer them a piece of gum right? Well actually… ideally… they'd have nice, peppermint, breath (NPB) but alright… the best way to resolve this issue without hurting any feelings would be… gum! (By the way… God bless whoever invented gum).

What if it was during Ramadan and you can't offer gum? Or any other situation where you really can't just take out a piece of gum from your pocket and hand it to that person…

"Here"
"What?"
"Gum"
"I can see that… why?"
"Why?"
"Yeah"
"Because your breath F@#%## stinks… that’s F#$#@** why!"
"That bad?"
"Are you kidding me? You can disinfect germs with that breath!"

No no no… now that's not very nice is it?

You can distant your face (nose) as far away as possible, but then again… You can tie your shoe laces for so long before that other person suspects that you're doing it intentionally.

On the other hand… I think it's unethical not to mention it to that person. Because I'm sure if someone took the fall and informed Mr./Ms./Mrs. Bad Breath about his/her "problem", they would actually be saving them from any future gossip or embarrassments.

"Gum?"
"No thank you, I'm fine"
"No you're not… my friend"
"What do you mean?"
"Breath problem"
"Oh… I didn't know… why thank you very much… really… thanks for bringing it to my attention so I can fix it before anyone else notices it"
"Don't mention it…"


But how often would you get a reaction like that? I think it would be more along the lines of…

"Gum?"
"No thank you, I'm fine"
"Breath problem"
"Shut the hell up A##@!@&*%... Like you're MR.PERFECT!!! YOU STINK TOO"
"Not really… but ok… forget I mentioned it"


Some people just don't get it! BAD BREATH IS OFFENSIVE! (BDIO) But of course they don't get it… because no one has told them "HEY!!!! BRUSH YOUR TEETH MORE!" (HBYTM) or "HEARD OF MOUTH WASH?!!!!" (HMW).

Oh and… if I'm not mistaken… written clearly on the mouth wash bottle "if problem persists, please consult a doctor". SO IT IS A… "PROBLEM".

Ladies and gentlemen… the human body is smelly by nature… the least you could do is counter attack that with easily accessible products…

Long lasting ever fresh breath toothpaste.
Mouth wash.
Breath fresheners.
Any strong drink (I can only endorse non-alcoholic drinks)







So please… keep your mouth clean… fresh… and if you can't do that…. WELL!!!! Keep your mouth at least 2 meters away from my nose!

* * *
* * *


On a side note…

(Please put on your 3D glasses for this one)

I think intestinal gas should have been colored! I think that it was a cruel joke on someone's part to keep human gas colorless.
I figure… hey… if it was colored… like "Red Gas" or "Yellow Gas" then at least we can swerve around it. We can notice it and avoid it.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if you're walking down a corridor and you see someone coming your way and then oooowwwwpppsss… suddenly red smoke comes bursting out of him! Well first you give them the stink eye!! And then you hold your breath until you're in the clear.



I don't know about you… but I don't want to be caught off guard!

I suggest we should devote part of the human genetics study to add that "red gas gene" in our future generations' genetic mark-up.

And if it's possible… do one for the breath as well… And it can be a scale of colors… from like… Blue to Green… or something… wouldn't that be great?

* * *
* * *

To smell… or not to smell…

There are so many things that can go wrong… you've got…

Skin smell,
Hair smell,
Sweat,
Breath,
Gas,
Feet,
Armpits,

And you know what?!!!! WE CAN CURE AND SOLVE ALL OF THEM!!!!

So there's no reason anyone should smell funny at all.

* * *
* * *


Am I normal?

Ok… driving home from work, it was around half past 3. I saw a beautiful lady waiting next to the road, for her ride I guess, and she was smoking hot! I mean… the face, the body and the clothes (tank top)… She looked Lebanese. Anyway…

You know what the first thing that came to my mind? "Jeee she must be stinking from the sweat and the heat!"

In movies… when two people kiss… the first thing I think about is her breath… did she brush her teeth?

Some say Taurus people have an acute sense of smell. If that's true… HEY!!! WHAT THE @#!@!!

* * *
* * *


Irony…

You what’s ironic? Is that even though I'm a smell freak, I cannot monitor my self! I mean, no one can notice their own smell… well they can but I mean those subtle smells, the nose needs only 3-5 minutes to adjust to any kind of smell… so I really get paranoid mostly all the time regarding this… But still!!! I would like to be able to notice if my breath is losing it's freshness… IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Now of course, I don't go unarmed… here… see…





But I would also like all of you that know me on a personal level…
If I ever smell bad… or had bad breath… TELL ME! Better yet… just slap me!

Time versus Man


Time…
You bullied me since birth.
Giving me a rusting body, sealing my fate in a sinking ship.
You threw punches at me, but I prevailed.

Time…
You shoved my mortality in my face.
But I learned to appreciate each day as it comes.
Live each moment as if it were my last.

Time…
You blinded me with wealth and then swept it away.
But I learned that to be rich, one has only to count his friends and family.
One has only to count the people he loves, loved and is loved by.

Time…
You took my health… crippled my organs… showed me pain.
But I occupied myself in helping others through their ordeals and struggles.
Thus forgetting my own pain. And I was thankful for what I still had.

Time…
You hindered my path… Planting obstacles to wear me down.
But I didn't succumb. I learned to be patient.
I learned that no matter what the problem is… it shall pass.

Time…
You stole my loved ones… a strike bellow the belt… you struck home.
But I, with great agony, learned that, in memory, they would live on.
That I have only to remember times we shared for them to spring forth into life.

Time…
You fooled me with years of peaceful comfort, and silly me, I lost my wisdom.
You painted me the illusion of everlasting happiness, and I forgot your snaky nature.
You restored my health… restored my wealth… showed me life in my children's eyes.
And then… without warning, without introduction… just simply…

Took it all away…

Time…

You stared me directly in the eyes…

And I knew…

My time had come…

But Time… know this… in that last instance of my life… after my whole life flashed right before me… I died with a satisfied smile… I died knowing that you lost the battle…

What you took… wasn't mine to begin with…

On behalf of all men...

Ladies… Mothers… Sisters… Daughters… Aunts… Grandmothers… Granddaughters… Girls… Women…

I am sorry.

I am deeply… solemnly… sorry.

I am sorry for all the prejudice you've been getting through-out the ages.
It's only because we, men, are insecure in nature.

I am sorry for not giving you your rights up until recently.
It's only because we need to feel superior.

I apologize for HISTORY written in "his-story" and not "her-story".
And only having it written in half truth… if it can be called "truth".

I am drowning in shame… the past catches up with us men… a shameful past.

We mistreated you… buried you alive… looked at you in disgust…
And we couldn't have been any more disgusting.

You accepted us for who we were, and are… and we can't help think of anything better than to pinpoint all your shortcomings and weaknesses.

We erased you from mankind's history.
Side-lining you from mankind's collective history.

I apologize for words like "MAN-kind", "hu-MAN" and all that demotes your kin.

We took your "elegance", and called it "fragility".
We took your "patience", and called it "indecisiveness".
We took your "kindness", and called it "weakness".

I am so sorry for all the psychological crap you've been getting from us.

I apologize for all the excess baggage you've been carrying.
Baggage you carry since birth… just because you lack a Y-chromosome.

Forgive us for taking your spirits hostage for thousands of years.

Imprisoning your aspirations, hopes, dreams, and talents.
We are cowards… afraid of any competition.

Enslaving your voices… voices wanting to be heard.
We are the slaves… slaves to our fear.

It was always easier to knock you down, than to build ourselves up.
It was always easier to boost our self esteem through demeaning women, than to achieve something.
And when we did achieve… we achieved nothing but bloodshed.

I have no excuse for the unjust treatment of women today…

We're closing on the year 2007 A.D. and we still think marriage is nothing more than possession.

Girls raised in the possession of their father… until possession is transferred to a husband.

Invisible chains…

I am so… so… sorry for not giving women the proper education, knowledge, so that they can see what they are being made to endure.

When a woman chooses enslavement over a free spirit, I know, that was not a choice of someone who've tasted freedom, and I, again, apologize…

I know this is a concoction of men… centuries of conditioning and false teaching to women.

I am sorry for including the word "men" in "wo-men".

Please forgive us…

Forgive us for not knowing how to let go… how to loosen our grips.
Forgive us for believing our masculinity is x-rayed as controlling you.

I am sorry…
I am sorry…
I am sorry…




















Thank you women for not accepting the status quo.

For letting your voice be heard through all the clutter deafening our ears.

check the link

until Mr. kila ma6goog posts something...

please check this link

http://news.sky.com/skynews/video/videoplayer/0,,31200-galloway_060806,00.html

!! جليل الحيا



هذه ليست قصة خيالية بل واقع. نعم... و يخجلني ان ابلغكم ان هذا الموقف حصل في اجواء احد فنادقنا الفخمة بالكويت

الطرف الأول (بالازرق), بطل الموقف
و
الطرف الآخر (بالبرتقالي), موظف بالفندق

كتبت شكوى للمدير العام + مدير وكالة فندق ماريوت كورت يارد و لحد الآن لم أحصل على رد

إستهتار إداري؟
! بالفعل

لا مبالاة من اصحاب المصلحة؟
! بالتاكيد

***

"الله بالخير"
"الله بالخيرات... يا هلا ولد عمي"
"...."
"يا هلا والله... شلونك..."
"الله يسلمك... تفضل..."
"لا بس بقيت استعين بخدماتك حبيبي"
"ايه حاضرين... اول قولي وين رايح بس؟"
"مو مشكلة الحين... بس إفتح و إنشاءالله اقولك"
"معلش إعذرني... بس اول وين رايح؟"
" ! ولييين... ميخالف الحين إفتح... مايصير الفضايح هني برهّ"
"إنزين لاتطول صوتك لو سمحت! وين قاعد انت؟"
"اووهووو... شوف إفتح ما دامت النفس طيبة"
"خبل انت؟ ما تفهم عربي؟!! اقولك اول شي قولي وين رايح؟"
"عجيييييب!!! صج انك جليل الحيا"
"--كل ت"
"الشرها مو عليك!!! الشرها على الي يابوك! جليل الحيه"
"والله ابتلشت بهالخبول انا"
"--العن أب"
"تدري شلون؟ الله بالخير"
"شنو؟"
"طول بالك حبيبي... صل عالنبي"
"اللهم صلي و سلم عليه"
"خالنتفاهم... إخذ نفس"
"هههفففف"
"صرت رايء؟"
"ايه"
"!إنزين الحين عطني إمقفاك"
"--إن ما رويتك ياحم"
"إذلييييييف"
"شوف مو عشان وياك ربعك تتفلسف!!! وين المدير؟؟!!!!! ابي المدير"


اهو


إختيار الطابق المعني من خارج المصعد

إذا كنا اكثر من شخص و نبي نصعد مع بعض؟؟؟
إذا غيرت رأيي و بغير الطابق؟ مشكلتي؟؟؟

اهو و عصابته


***

غابت شمس الماضي و لم تشرق
تلاشا الإحترام المتبادل بين المصاعد والركاب
اين الإحترام الذي تعودت النفس عليه؟
زمن الود والاخلاق
عندما تستقبل بتراحيب حنونة من المصعد عند قدومك
بدون <لقافة> من المصعد

...رحلة إلى الماضي


"المصعد " تفضل طال عمرك... صاحب الجلالة
"الراكب " اخجلتني يا عزيزي
"المصعد "بل هذا واجب... تفضل. ادخل

"الراكب "هل تريد معرفة الطابق الذي ارغب زيارته؟
"المصعد "لا اريد إزعاجك بفضولي
"الراكب "و نعم المصاعد

"المصعد "احسنت
"الراكب "واحد فمتو
"المصعد "عفوا؟
"الراكب "اوووه المعذرة... عندما اسمع <احسنت> اطلب فيمتو لا إراديا





جميل... ممتاز... رائع...


Japan post add-on

updated with more pictures on 1-8-2007

I was here... Osaka.




We took the bullet train to... Horishima. (One of the two places bombed by the arabs Opss... hahaha its becoming second nature now... i mean bombed by the americans)



You can see this building on the mock up display below.





Something to ponder about...


Horishima before the bomb:


Horishima after:




Of course when it came to the Audio Guide... I gently declined and told the Japanese lady,

"Me arab! Me no need translation! Me take this in Terrorist 103 class"

******
on a lighter note...

i got a chance to practice my japanese... and if i might brag... it went pretty well...

only one problem...

I confused Kinoko (Mushrooms) with Niniko (Garlic)... so guess what these two pizzas have a lot of... and i mean A LOT of? yeah.. garlic !

******
This picture was taken on an earlier trip... 2001. In the city of KOBE... Famous for its steak. They make their cows drink beer... no kidding... so the steaks taste better... (so i hear) :-P