9th June 2010

Today after school i was supposed to meet someone who worked in panasonic gulf. But he canceled on me :( all is well, i wanted to go to Umeda Hankyu anyway so i walked around the store...

i decided not to gorge my self in clothes, so thats why i didn't buy anything today/

i got last week's kanji test. 25/30... not excellent but so far my highest kanji score...

today's tests i didn't do well in... they were 'mega difficult'... they were 'godzilla tough'... some of the questions where 'sushi-raw' :P

i came home and dorm's dinner was pork.. so i went out for mcdonald's fish fillet... i'm still hungry :( but tomorrow some of the classmates are going to 'all you can eat pizza' so i'm also going...

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switching to a different subject
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i had a beautiful dream last night... well, i think its not the dream that made my sleep peaceful, its the other way around... i think because i had a good night's sleep, my brain's flashes were very peaceful and relaxing...

i have been engulfed by the peacefulness all day... and i thought about it a lot... i thought about how the brain works... what a marvel... what a miraculous piece of wonder...

if i had died at that instant... forever freezing that feeling... forever holding on to that thought... endlessly being in that state of emotion... not needing anything... eternally at peace... i do not think that is much different than Heaven...

i picture human beings asleep... peacefully... and the brain, forever working in the background, conjuring up images from God knows where... the darkest areas of our subconscious, all in the efforts to allow us to make sense of the world around us... all the information that we've gathered, reshuffled, recompiled, organized, memorized... during our peaceful sleep...

to some lucky ones, this happens every night, but to others, the occasional nightmare comes up...

i wonder if animals go to that same place when they sleep. i wonder if during our peaceful sleeps, we are smiling from the inside...

but this insight about our brains has a dark side as well... its a double edge sword... the brain does not know 'right' from 'wrong'. The brain doesn't care... the brain's one and only reason for existence is to keep us at peace... if a wire is crossed and i need to 'kill' for example, then the brain would make that feel 'right' so that i'm at peace with what i'm doing...
Of course this is an extreme example, but, all of us, have subtle imperfectness in thoughts, personalities, attitudes etc... and our brains God bless them, are forever trying to hide though from our consciousness...

who are we, really? are we our consciousness? or our subconsciousness that keeps things hidden from consciousness, like a mother sheltering its child from harm... bending the truth... twisting reality, all in effort to keep the child's vitals at peace's bay...